The next year, he sued the department, arguing it was retaliating against him for using his right to free speech, as reported. He was charged with disrupting a public service but was acquitted. In 2016, Anthony Novak was arrested for making a Facebook page that parodied the local police page in Parma, Ohio. It sounds like an Onion headline, the filing points out, but it’s not. The outlet is concerned about the outcome of a case it describes in a headline: “Ohio Police Officers Arrest, Prosecute Man Who Made Fun of Them on Facebook”. This brief is submitted in the interest of at least mitigating their future punishment.” “The Onion’s writers also have a self-serving interest in preventing political authorities from imprisoning humorists. With such power, why does the Onion feel the need to weigh in on a mundane court case? “To protect its continued ability to create fiction that may ultimately merge into reality,” the filing asserts. It’s the source of 350,000 jobs at its offices and “manual labor camps”, and it “owns and operates the majority of the world’s transoceanic shipping lanes, stands on the nation’s leading edge on matters of deforestation and strip mining, and proudly conducts tests on millions of animals daily”. But stories persist, that from time to time, the guards will find the hearse doors open.Claiming global Onion readership of 4.3 trillion, the filing describes the publication as “the single most powerful and influential organization in human history”. The doors don’t open easily they take two hands to work a latch and pull open. He laughs to himself, then realizes, he was the only person in the building. Coming up on the end of his night shift, he’s making his last sweep of the exhibit floor and he finds the hearse doors open again. “He thought some of the senior officers were playing a joke on him, so he closes the doors and goes about his business. When he gets to the exhibit floor, he finds the hearse doors open,” Benavides said. James Benavides, the institute’s senior communications specialist, shared a spooky story about the hearse with the Current in 2020: “So, one night, a guard was on duty, making his regular rounds. One notably haunted object in the museum’s collection is Castroville’s Horse-Drawn Hearse. People say the Institute of Texan Cultures is one of the most haunted places in San Antonio, with tons of ghost sightings attributed to the location. The Institute of Texan Cultures is haunted AF Turns out it was just a trick of physics the whole time. When Union Pacific added a second track to the intersection, they levelled out the elevation, removing the downward slant that vehicles would gently roll down when they were supposedly being "pushed" by the ghosts. Even worse, the tracks were "exorcised," if you will, by a construction project. However, in 2003, archivist Matt De Waelsche traced the story's origin to a 1938 bus accident in Salt Lake City, Utah. The push purportedly comes from wee ghosts of children who met an untimely end in the early 1900s when a train rammed into a bus at the location. As a bonus, if you put flour on the back of your trunk, you might even see their little handprints. As the story goes, you can park your car at this spot on the train tracks and get “pushed” forward by some spectral helpers. This long-dispelled myth is still a local favorite, and was voted Best Urban Legend in the Current’s Best of San Antonio poll for the past three years running. You can’t talk about urban legends in San Antonio without covering the Ghost Tracks.
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